2 little poems, the second unfinished

And when I watch the news


And when I watch the news I look

not at the urgent reporter

gabbling into the unfolding event

trying so hard to see meaning in the mayhem


but behind and above him

at the chaotic mosaic of heads

the angry men confirming the story

in this hot dry place


and I pick one small blob

from all the rest

a faceless distant orb among

all the separate faraway drops


and I think “Who is he?

Where does he live?

What did he have for his breakfast?’

Him and all the billions of others




People pay money to go into a room

Where someone makes them do it


Every laugh

A moment of high solace

A shout out to the chimpanzees

A signature you cannot predict

The burly dude with his high-pitched whinny

The machine gun holler of the tiny girl



Arthur Smith. Has Gigs

Poem: Saturday in Athens

Saturday in Athens


You can just  discern her, a faded imprint

in the matinal shimmer

a little shabbier than one might hope

She sits and thinks and sits and thinks

about her glorious heyday years

(which all the world is still applauding)

and wonders what will become of her…


But then as dusk unfolds

She starts to sparkle and preen and glow

and all the lights way down below

salute their boss

in her moonlit gloss.

As midnight comes

she starts to preen

and feel the joy of what she’s been.

From her columns centuries spill

shining shining on her ancient hill.

“Hey all yous,” she suddenly cries,

“all you lot beneath the skies,

Who on earth do you think you are?

Round Athens way there’s just one star.

Everybody suck on this

I am the fucking Acropolis.”


13th September 2014 – Athens

Arthur Smith Sings Leonard Cohen (Vol 2)

The Tour 

Autumn 2014



Saturday 27th – Wyvern Theatre, Swindon – Tickets & Info


Fri 3rd – Churchill Theatre, Bromley – Tickets & Info

Mon 6th – Harrogate Theatre, Harrogate –Tickets & Info

Wed 15th – Theatre Royal, Brighton – Tickets & Info

Thursday 23rd – Galway Comedy Festival – Tickets & Info

Wed 29th – Concert Hall, Reading – Tickets & Info

The moment you wake

The moment you wake

Is nothing

The immense unknowable zero

Before the big bang

Of self-consciousness

Who you are

Where you are

Who you know

What you do


And then

What you have to do this day


And what for breakfast?

Swing round

Slippers on

Here we go again

Oh what a day that will be

Oh what a day that will be


When the Tories are out and Margaret’s a goner

And Wimbledon F.C. buy Diego Maradona

When they arrest the Queen and drugs are found on her

Oh what a day that will be

When Murdoch’s riches are converted to rags

When you don’t die young from smoking fags

And we all have the chance of afternoon shags

Oh what a day that will be

When the worst you can get is a dose of the clap

The day Palestine appears on a map

When Jeffrey Archer says what I write is crap

When being black is no longer a crime

And the condom slides on (pop) first time

And when Nigel Lawson crawls back to the slime

Oh there’ll be a day to remember

When the Berlin wall has got no bricks

And when men don’t measure the size of their dicks

When Sylvester Stallone weighs 7 stone six

When High Court judges don’t countenance rape

And we’re not so tight-arsed that a fart can’t escape

Then its time for Batman to hang up his cape

Oh what a day that will be

Oh yes

Oh what a day that will be